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Wednesday, August 31st, 2005
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12:31 am
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i'm in love =) more and more everyday.
::sigh:: i don't wanna go back to school.
current mood:  loved
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, August 5th, 2005
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11:31 pm
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a month til i'm back at Rider. once again, mixed feelings about that one. a year and a half to go! not sure if i wanna slow it down or speed it up. but anyway as far as my summer's been going i've been working 7 days a week, about 55 hours a week. sure does tire me out and you figure with all those hours i'd have a little bit more money to show for it, but not quite. thank you tuition. the old general manager (who was wonderful) was transferred to center city in may and our new one turned out to be a GIANT DOUCHE. but he got fired!! that was a wonderful day, there was dancing and echos of "ding dong the witch is dead", everyone did their work and other people's work at the same time! anyway the new gm isn't so bad but he cracks down on overtime so i'm actually being FORCED to take a day off every week. it's weird being forced to take time off, but whatever. it's probably for the best with all the medical stuff i've been through. i've been to the doctor about once a week every week this summer. i got all sorts of blood tests and outpatient procedures and do you know what they've found so far? not a whole lot! they found a few internal bleeding sites but not enough apparently. i had what i thought would be my last medical procedure today (hence the anesthesia coma and any lack of sense in this entry). i have at least one more to go once again, but this one's not so bad, no anesthesia needed. as far as school goes, not really looking forward to being away from brian =( although it'll be nice to not have to work, i will miss the money coming in (whether i actually got to hold onto it long or not). after whatever the hell happened with my last roommate, i'm a little nervous about moving back in with a new roomie, especially one i don't know too well yet. but io think we'll get along and i'm looking forward to it. so we'll see what happens! i'm sure i'm missing a lot of things i could be talking about from the last four months, but i guess this'll do it for now.
current mood:  groggy
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| Saturday, April 2nd, 2005
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5:25 pm
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i felt i should update since it's been a LONG time. although i don't really feel inspired to write some huge long entry so i'll make it quick. finally got myself a digital camera! don't have a real big memory card for it yet but i'll be fixing that soon, anyway maybe i can finally post some real pictures now. grades are still ridiculously good, except for my poetry class but i haven't handed in any of the papers for it yet, although i don't forsee my papers being anything near amazing, so there goes the 4.0 for the semester, but either way my grades are still really good. turns out that opening a book and studying really does help.
housing for next year, i'm not going to be living in the new building and i'm kind of upset about that. still have yet to find a roommate and i feel like a big loser about that. although it's kind of my fault, i turned down a couple girls who wanted to live with me in the beginning of the semester and now they've all got new people to live with. and the fact that like 90% of my friends are male doesn't really help me out much. oh well, stressed about it all, but hopefully whoever i live with next semester isn't crazy, and it'll all turn out ok.
i've been going home quite a lot, just kind of to escape the drama and pressures of campus life i guess, or just to be around all the people at home. i don't know why life can only be semi-good in one place or the other, but never both. but it's been really great at home for the most part, smoothing over some rocky relationships and the what not. lately when there's stupid drama between me and someone else over something small, i've just been ignoring it all and letting it go. not because i don't care or anything, i just haven't had the emotional strength to deal with it. and amazingly enough, except for one person, everyone's just kinda came back and we all just drop everything that happened and get along again. i guess i just feel that at this point, if i have to work real hard to keep a friend, then maybe it's just not worth all that. and just because i don't call you or make plans doesn't mean i don't care about you. honestly, i don't call or make plans with anybody usually. i don't know why i'm rambling about any of this here, whatever, just ignore me.
i register for classes on monday and for the most part i'm gonna get everything i want/need. except for one class which kinda puts me in a real bad situation with taking another class. see i have a 10:20-11:20 on mon and wed, but i also have an 11:30-2:40 on mon and wed which will involve off-campus field work, which kinda sucks, cuz i don't see myself being able to get there in 10 min. but what sucks even more is because the other class i wanted is full, i might have to schedule a 2:50-4:20 on mon and wed too! it means my mon will be ridiculous, my wed a little hectic, but i'll only have a night class on tues and zero classes on thur. so i can handle that, but i don't know what i should do about all the driving and all that. anyone have any ideas/tips on what they think i should do? oh and i finally declared my social work minor. woot woot for my fourth minor switch!
so the real reason i'm writing all this is that i'm home and i wanted to go out and spend the entire saturday cuddled indoors with that special someone, but the roads are CRAZY FLOODING and he lives so far away that i am stuck indoors so far away from him. =( well the rain is sorta nice to listen to, and it's interesting to watch as the ditch behind my house slowly turns into a lake.
current mood:  cranky
current music: pitter patter of the rain
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| Thursday, March 3rd, 2005
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5:08 pm
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| Sunday, February 27th, 2005
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2:19 pm
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| Sunday, February 20th, 2005
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4:30 pm
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i was gonna write an entry, and then my phone rang and now i'm sitting here at this empty screen not really sure of anything i was gonna write. it feels like my mind is blank, but i know it's not. just so many thoughts and feelings in my head i'm not really sure where to start off to make any sense of them. spring break in three weeks! kinda nice to know we're almost half-way. although it barely feels like the semester's started. i haven't really been on campus much and i guess that'll do that to you. that and just everything that's gone on since it started just makes it all feel so rushed. anyway, my grades are good, classes still easy (until i have to start writing papers, blah) and this semester is turning out to be a pretty good one. fairly uneventful for the most part, but a good one. oh and now that i have a single, i've been doing an unusual amount of studying, craziness. whatever, at least i got something good out of it.
current mood:  happy
current music: brian is snoring over there
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| Thursday, February 17th, 2005
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7:25 pm
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You have four years to be irresponsible here. Relax. Work is for people with jobs. You'll never remember class time, but you'll remember time you wasted hanging out with your friends. So stay out late. Go out on a tuesday with your friends when you have a paper due wednesday. Spend money you don't have. Drink until sunrise. The work never ends, but college does.
current mood:  nostalgic
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| Friday, February 4th, 2005
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4:42 pm
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so, kristin moved out. my roommate is gone and i now have a double single. i'm really not too sure exactly how i feel about it yet but i'm trying to stay optimistic. you know, turn a negative to a positive. we had a little confrontation the last time i saw her and i really wish our roominess didn't end like that but can't go back and change the past. anyway looking at positives... i have ssooo much space. no more digging in boxes under my bed or standing on my desk to reach stuff on top of my closet. and i have two matresses on the bed, it is so comfortable. i've been sleeping so well. and on thursday i celebrated a long awaited thirsty thursday, if i didn't have a single i wouldn't have been able to drink that much before. although it might not have been the best idea. heh i was still slightly buzzed when i took my stat test this morning, but i got an A!! so it all worked out. it does get pretty lonely though and by dinner i am STARVING for some human interaction. but i think i'm gonna be ok. good luck as a commuter kristin, i hope it works well for you and i mean that with all sincerity.
this weekend though, SUPER BOWL! E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES! i don't usually get to get all that into sports but i will say, i am very excited as well as the rest of the greater philadelphia area. i was thinking about going into the city to watch it but i don't know how that's gonna work out. even if i just watch it at home with my dad, it should still be a fun time. and saturday night i'm meeting up with chris. i'm nervous/excited about it. i haven't seen him since about my high school graduation which was when our relationship just crashed and fell apart. we just started talking again online the day i moved back into Rider. it makes me happy to have him as a friend again. so many of my friends are drifting or fighting, or moving and just falling away from me. it feels good to have one come back. i do wish i had the emotional strength to hold onto those that are fading but i just can't do that right now.
i no longer have a job, at least i don't think i do. to be honest i'm not sure if i still work at the Applebees in NJ. they didn't fire me, and i didn't quit, but i don't think they're going to give me hours ever. oh well, whatever, screw them. i hated it there anyway. although the pay was good and i really do need a job. if they take me back i'm def gonna work, if they don't, i'm not sure what i'm gonna do. maybe i'll work at the other applebees or try to get a job at the mall or something. only problem with the mall thing is that by the time i got in there and got the job i'd only be able to work two months, and i'd need a week of that off. oh well, i guess i'll just concentrate on my studies and all that wonderful shiznit.
i think this semester's gonna be a good one, despite everything the world throws at me to attempt and make it pretty difficult. i'm determined to hang in there and enjoy myself just like i should be.
oh yeah, and my classes aren't that hard either. and all the information overlaps across my schedule, so that's nice that i'm actually using everything i'm learning now.
current mood: cheerful
current music: Fall Out Boy - Take This to Your Grave
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| Thursday, January 27th, 2005
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2:54 pm
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conversation with kira in dalys today
me: yeah, that's not gonna happen, mr. tampon says no
kira: your tampon is a Mr?
me: well no female's going in there
kira: maybe you have a lesbian tampon
me: FUCK NO!
and that's my day.
current mood:  cold
current music: Cursive- The Recluse
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, January 11th, 2005
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3:42 am
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so i almost killed a man today. yeah, my day was pretty interesting, but i guess that's the part that would stand out. the end.
(who fucking walks down the middle of the road at 3 am wearing all black anyway?!?!)
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Sunday, January 9th, 2005
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2:33 am
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drove around with leo for a few hours tonight. we had some nice conversation. i'm glad me and him are actual friends now instead of just through mutual friends. i just wish i could help him out with some things.
i'm starting to somewhat enjoy myself here on occasions but there are some things it's going to be SO hard to leave in two weeks. it'll be nice to be back at school to a certain point but awful at another point. i'm so miserable at school, i wish i knew why too so i could work at making it better. ::sigh:: four more semesters, i can do this, i can do this.
so that was a boring/short/pointless entry. i apoligize but i forsee myself being very down in two weeks so i figured i'd put more in before i get depressing.
current mood:  scared
current music: Thursday - Division Street
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, January 5th, 2005
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1:54 am
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so all i can say is that the past few days have been weird. not bad, but a lot of crazy things have def happened. other than that, i got nothing to say except, i'm kinda sorta almost enjoying my break and i don't wanna go back to Rider. although that's nothing new, i really don't wanna go back ever, but three weeks is gonna come and i'm gonna go back and learn like always. i don't have the guts to ever truely drop out, i just wish i did.
current mood:  weird
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| Tuesday, December 21st, 2004
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5:44 am
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i am such an insomniac. my sister's alarm is going off right now, and my parents' will too in a little bit and i still haven't gone to bed yet. so bored, aaahhh. well i just spent about 4 hours creating a myspace account and wandering around. ::sigh:: here's to jumping on the band wagon. but anyways, i don't have any friends yet, so if you have one, lemme know! i wanna get in the swing of it.
so finals are over, school is over. i'm glad and i'm not. i mean it's so nice to not have to worry about grades and all that (although i still am because we don't get grades til january and i'm really nervous about how i did. i tried real hard but i don't think it paid off real well). but at the same time i'm kinda sad cuz it was nice to just walk down the hall and say hi to someone, even if you didn't do anything else. but let's admit it, i'm miserable at school. i really wish i knew why.
but life back in PA has been pretty uneventful. i moved home friday night, just slept and unpacked and all that. saturday was my grandpop's birthday lunch and then we all went to the bar and played pool, interesting place for a family with multiple underage to bond, but whatever. so i slept saturday afternoon away (damn all-nighters screwed up my sleeping schedule) and then finally got off my lazy hermit ass and went to brian's for a few hours. started work in M-ville again on sunday. everyone's back for the holidays, it's a little Applebee's reunion. but yeah it was slow and boring, whatever. i got home about 9 and had all this time and energy to go out, but the roads were so icey that i just stayed in. and today, i almost overslept my 4:30 pm shift because i'm that much of an asshole, went to work, came back and decided it was too cold, i didn't feel like going out.
::sigh:: of corse i'm gonna hate my break if i don't get off my ass and see people!!!! so tomorrow (if i ever wake up before dinner) i'm gonna attempt to start and finish all my christmas shopping (at least i don't have a long list) and then i'm gonna pick up andrew and we're gonna do something... anything. we're gonna have fun! i'm gonna have fun!
let's see, work wed, maybe go out afterwards, closing shift thursday (bah) def going out afterwards and then friday's christmas eve! yeah doing the whole family thing and then yay for christmas so excited. so i have to take a million and one trains but up to north jersey to see matt and greg and then the 26th is the thursday show!!!!!!!! oh yay it's gonna be ssssooo awesome. and 27th hanging out with all his friends and what not. well i hope it's fun.
now i'm done this i have two choices, join the band wagon once again and sign up for facebook, or go to sleep. and on that note, i'll most likely see you on facebook.
current mood: anxious
current music: alkaline trio- maybe i'll catch fire
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| Sunday, December 12th, 2004
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10:22 pm
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finals week, so i have a final at 9:30 in the morning and i haven't started studying for it yet. my professor is rediculous and there's no way i'm gonna do well on it anyway, studying doesn't seem to make a difference so i'm not really trying. i can't wait to be home for break. although i'm not really sure what i'm looking forward to and all that. i think i just feel that if i keep changing my location, things will be great.
so last night was the alpha psi formal. we didn't get the best directions and ended up getting lost in the ghetto of trenton, NOT FUN! and now i don't have enough gas to make it home and am gonna have to pay out the ass for it at expensive gas station down the street. so it was a whole lot of fun, i might have partied a bit too hard though. there was a live band from NYC. they weren't my typical type of music, a lot dancier (if that's a word) but they were really good and i liked them. i talked to the guitarist for a bit at the formal which leads to annmarie's favorite quote of the night....
Alex: so what's your name?
Joanna: Joanna
Alex: do u know that song by kool and the gang?
Joanna: i was named after that song!!!
Alex: Really?! I LOVE that song!!!
Joanna: i HATE that song!!!
(way to ruin it with the hot band member joanna... haha)
went to the after party at phi sigma sigma and partied it up. talked to the other two and members (spilled cooler on one of their jackets, i'm such an asshole but he didn't seem to be mad) it was fun though, we didn't just talk about their music and stuff like that, we talked about cities and school and that sort of thing. they only had 5 copies of their cd too and they gave me one. i finally went in kroner now too but i don't really remember it and then i passed out in my room at like 5:00 and somehow got up to go to a dance audition at noon. and i am STILL wearing the clothes i wore to the party last night. hair and makeup from the formal still there too. haha i look like such a bum.
i guess i should study for at least a little bit. god do i hate this class
current mood:  working
current music: trick and the heartstrings
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Saturday, November 27th, 2004
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4:47 am
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i'm freezing, this house is drafty. well it's not so much that it's drafty, i just got used to it being stuffy at school. so it's 4:30 in the morning and i just got home. i always (well like 95% of the time) have fun when i go out, even if i don't do anything, but i was feeling anti-social and didn't wanna move. i was also afraid i wasn't gonna see everyone i wanted to but i saw tons of people today. it's all because of the diner. seriously, you want someone to hang out with, you just go there and wait, before you know it people you know start pouring in. so i was supposed to go with andrew but he didn't answer my calls, so i picked up tri and her friend nick and headed over. alex and mim were in the lobbyish area!!!! i seriously didn't think i was gonna see much of alex again, i even got to see him mom and dog. alex left and then eventually crystal, paul, tower records brian and andrew showed up with colored pencils and trippy looking pictures and we sat and colored in the diner for about two hours. went to giant and just stood around talking in the parking lot, oh that's great. a bunch of 16-31 year-olds hanging out in a grocery store parking lot at 2 in the morning. and this is how we have our fun here folks. got bored and went to the park, wandered into the woods with a bottle of bare vos and some other shit brian had in his trunk and kept looking back for "killers".
hmmm, well i guess that doesn't sound all that interesting, but it was fun times. cold outside though! i saw so many people i wanted to see though. i still have to see two more brians, joey, johanna, louis scott, but i don't think i'm gonna get the chance to see all them before i go back.
i did a bit of black friday shopping today, the only thing i bought was shoes for myself, yeah i'm selfish like that. whatever, my christmas shopping list is so short this year, there really is no rush.
the high school's fall play is next weekend. i wanna come see it, but i don't know if i'm gonna end up being able to do that. if i went i would probably run into nicole again. she and i just recently started talking again. i mean we don't have all that much to talk about, but it's nice to kinda reconnect. but my first couple finals are two weeks from today, AHHH!!!! so i might just stay at school and get crap done. i'm only on the schedule for work for one more week too! yay!i wish there was more to do around here, or good movies out. a lot of the stuff we all do here involves being outside, and i don't like the cold. or being in the diner, and i wanna switch it up. damn, you'd think we lived in nj with our dinering. i mean people in nj have nothing on this town, seriously.
current mood: cold
current music: my computer is dinging
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| Tuesday, November 23rd, 2004
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3:13 am
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i'm supposed to be writing a paper, i'm supposed to be writing a paper. it has to be 8-12 pages, so i'm thinking i should shoot for ten. right now i have 8 pages of decent material, but it's worded all bad and is crap. basically i have some ideas there but they're scattered and badly worded and not well developed, but i need some distraction right now.
there are some pictures of crazy roomie times that i've been meaning to post, but i keep being lazy, or busy. probably lazy, dammit i really wish i could actually get myself to work hard before stuff is due. this paper would be so good if i had started earlier, but now it just sucks.
thanksgiving break is soon!! i have two classes tomorrow (today, whatever, it's 3 in the morning), both of which we're just gonna watch movies in and then talk about, but one i have to have this paper in for, argh. and then on wednesday i have one class with a paper due in it (only a page and a half, woohoo for procrastination being ok on that one) and then i have to go into work. i'm driving home straight after work since i can't get back on campus when my shift's over. i will admit, i don't feel too comfy leaving all my crap in my car in a parking lot that close to trenton, but whatever. HOME HOME HOME. i don't have much of any plans for home, there's so many people i'm supposed to see and so many things i'm supposed to do, and so much school work i have to catch up on. i can't believe we only have two weeks until finals when we get back from break, eep! it will be nice at least to do laundry in my own house and not have to worry about getting it before someone moves it, and showering without shoes, and sleeping in my own bed in my own room, even if it is drafty as hell. it's always so frickin stuffy at school. the contrast is hard to get used to.
in a few weeks i will have successfully (assuming i pass, and let's hope for that) completed enough credits to be a college junior. i'm getting so old! i'm not ready to be this far along, i'm really not. and i always wanted to study abroad, but i don't think i'm gonna have time for it. i never wanted to because i wanted to make strong ties and friendships and memories here. but the more i think about it, the more i realize i don't really like it here all that much, it would be nice to start over somewhere else, in a new country. but there are a lot of downs to that too, i wouldn't be able to just hop in the car or a train and go home. i'm going to miss a lot of things. not as easy for my family to just send me every little thing i need. it's an experience i really wish i could have, but one that i don't think may be right for me. i always grew up with no connection to home. i was never homesick as a child, i never wanted to be there, aside from my parents divorce, that house meant nothing to me and i just assumed my family would always be there. all those little problems and nieve attitudes i never had i'm starting to have now. it's like i'm growing up backwards. i feel so immature anymore. i do even less on my own now too and i don't like that. not that i want to be wandering around on my own, i just felt comfortable with it before. now apparently when i'm just being me and being by myself i look awkward and strange. i'm getting a little bit more comfortable going to the cafeteria by myself though, even though i show up by myself, i run into people i know and can sit with. and what is it with me always hang out with younger people?!?! will i ever have a large group of friends my age? am i doomed to be the creepy older girl!?
oh and kristin is a good roomie. i'd completely miss out on that if i went abroad. since i'm graduating in december, i kinda wanna take the spring to travel before i start grad school in the fall rather than starting right away. but i don't really have the money for a lot of travel.
why am i writing this when i should be writing my paper. blah, i wish i had more time, one more day is really all i need, then i could go to sleep now and wake up and have a fabulous paper all stressfree and everything. less than 48 hours til i'm on the turnpike home, ahh that's a good thought.
current mood:  rushed
current music: the fans to ventilate this stuffy place
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Sunday, November 14th, 2004
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11:42 am
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so now that i think about it, it was probably not the best idea, but i wasn't scared at all (which is weird cuz i'm terrified of cars to an unhealthy point), anyways i drove home from school at 11:30 in pouring rain and freezing temperatures so much that there was a bit of ice in some places after a long night at work. once i got home i just passed out. the funeral's on monday so i'm not going to end up going to it. my family is making a donation in her name to the make-a-wish foundation. it's not much, but i feel like i'm doing something. i called to see how they were doing and it was a very awkward conversation, but down the road they'll remember my call and know i was there, even if it was only keeping them in my thoughts.
so on a lighter note, i left the house only yesterday to go to the malls with my mom. didn't find much of interest for myself in the first one, but i bought a pretty dress for myself in the second one for the alpha psi formal. i'm so excited to buy these beautiful shoes i saw in boscov's and start accessorizing and just dress up all pretty.
i got a little bit of studying done, which was the main focus of this weekend. just to get away from school and be by myself in peace and quiet in my own house. i mean i could have locked myself up in my room at school, but it still would have been noisy and too many distractions. so i didn't see a single one of my friends this weekend but i didn't really feel like it either.
i'm almost finished my job in new jersey!!!! well at least until february. i have four weeks left but i'm not gonna be working during the thanksgiving week. so i'm just about done. i'm sure i'm not really gonna work once i'm at home, but i think not being in school's gonna make me actually want to be there. maybe i don't hate the job so much as i hate being in school and having to work. cuz i don't really hate the job that much at all. i just never have the energy to actually be there.
well monday i have an exam, a fire safety meeting, MO ROCCA, and paint the block! i'm excited for paint the block hehe. and i'm pretty boring, so that's it for today.
current mood:  calm
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| Saturday, November 6th, 2004
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12:23 am - itchy
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i'm sitting in greg's room on his machine of awesomeness. actually pretty bored since the only other person in here not playing video games is sleeping. i found a new route to work avoiding highways. it's a much longer drive but at least i don't have any scary anxiety when i have to drive during rush hour, so it all works out well. i'm really itchy, it sucks. so i can't type a coherent paragraph tonight.
tomorrow/today's family day. my family's coming, i hope it all goes good. registered for classes today too, well actually i had to have my mom do it for me online since i had to go to work. but i got a bunch of classes. i'm only three classes away from FINISHING my major, it's rediculous. i guess it's a good thing i decided to pick up all these minors, or i wouldn't have anything to do.
since i'm using greg's computer, i'll put in a line for him......
GREG IS AWESOME. GREG IS COOL. GREG IS THE SEXIEST OF SEXINESS THAT I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY WHOLE LIFE.
and now there is no more ann marie and no more jess. and now maybe i'll go drink apple cider, i love apple cider. i have some spiced cider in my fridge. yum yum yum. maybe i'll go watch sex and the city. i'd say sex and the city while i masturbate, but i'll be honest, i just don't masturbate at school. that's weird.
well i'm gonna end this here cuz none of it makes much of any sense at all, i'm just rambling, and my leg fucking ITCHES!!!!
current mood: bored
current music: nintendo background
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| Thursday, October 28th, 2004
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11:38 pm
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current mood:  angry
current music: Existentialism on Prom Night - Straylight Run
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| Wednesday, October 13th, 2004
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2:28 pm
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quick little update. work's been going ok i guess. it's really stressful not having the weekends to sleep in or be mopey or anything (not that i don't find time to be mopey anyway =/ eh) and i've been doing alright in most of my classes against. i'll do a little run down.
theatre history- sometimes it's boring as hell, other times it's actually really interesting. i wish i were doing amazing in it, but i just have a B
Everyman class- it's like a film studies/theatre class. we watch movies that fit the theme of the medieval play "Everyman" and then talk about them. i'm gonna be doing my term paper for that class on "Garden State." i have an A in that class and i like it.
Mass Media Communications- if my teacher weren't cool, this class would be AWFUL, but i have a 101% which i'm guessing is pretty good for my GPA
Child Psych- now this class i was really looking forward to, but it seems the whole class is us doing projects and her watching. plus i think the information isn't interesting at all. this class has pretty much pushed me to believe that psych is not the major i want to stick with (it wasn't single handedly this class, this was just the last straw)
Drugs and Human Behavior- oh jeez this class is HARD. it's really interesting and i like it but it's a lot of work and a lot of studying and we have something graded almost everyday.
so anyway as i mentioned above, the big thing in my head that i'm thinking about is changing my major and changing my school. i just don't wanna transfer for the wrong reasons. but basically nothing feels right here. my major or anything. i don't feel like i belong and i never feel like myself. and as painful as being who i used to be and where i was.. as painful as it was, it felt real and i never worried about not having a friend around to support me in the decisions i made. i had TONS of friends. i just hope it's not too late to fix the mistakes i've made, especially if coming here was one of them =/
current mood: contemplative
current music: It's Not a Fashion Statement - My Chemical Romance
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scarlet_me's journal
bouncy